you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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