the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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