she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
