Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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