Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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