Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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