If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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