I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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