I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
MIDGETS
????
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
