yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
