All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
