He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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