You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
