I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize