You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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