Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
