Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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