Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
