i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
