He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
