I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
