Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize