Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize