Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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