So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
