Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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