Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The best revenge is premature balding
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
