yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
