Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
