both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
