I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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