I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
