Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize