boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
