So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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