Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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