the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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