You made me cry and you don't even care
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
