I got chris browned last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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