i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
