I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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