i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
