i wish starbucks made bloody marys
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
