she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
