don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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