genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
