The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
