It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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