i can't believe i had my finger in that
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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