What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
