Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
