I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
