i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize