If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
