I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
