My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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