well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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