maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
