Can i not drive my cunt home
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
