Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
