I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize