There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
