I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
