Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize