Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
