I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
