Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
