i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
