His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
