you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
