fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
