I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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