Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
