About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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