Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
