If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
