Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
