She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
