$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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