I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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