I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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