I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
