We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize