im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize