Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
