Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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