I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
