OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
