the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
