So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
