This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
