This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
