who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
