question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
