Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize