Im at strip club and am horny
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
