That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
