Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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