STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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