I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
