if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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