well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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