Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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